It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
