The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
