Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
