Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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