Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
