fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
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