you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My balls are so social today.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
