FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
