You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize