I think my fart just growled at me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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