Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you didnt know i had herpes?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
