i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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