i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
