I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
