So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
