I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
