dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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