omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
