Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
