Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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