i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
