we have pet lesbian snakes
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
