Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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