I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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