Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize