I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
