We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
