....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize