Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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