I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My dick has a subreddit
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
