You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
