About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
