Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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