Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
