last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
