Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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