So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
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He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
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no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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