At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
