my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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