need another drink. this is the easiest way
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
