then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
