Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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