I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
