Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
