I hate all girls vehemently.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
