y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
