i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
two words: eviction party
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize