i wish peter jackson would direct porn
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
why is half of my head shaved?
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