You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
