Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
