are you so shy because you have an std?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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