After last night, I could never be a politician.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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