weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I believe in your delicious
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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