a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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