It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
