There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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