Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
