OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
