Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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