You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
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Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I didn't notice because vodka
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
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Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I party with great urgency now.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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