Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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