yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
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Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
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I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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