I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
