atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
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Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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