I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
