So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
