She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
