Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
