my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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