really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
