first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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