can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
