We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
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All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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